His Anatomy
by iwritee
Summary: When aspiring doctor Cammie Morgan met Zach Goode, she knew it was only to satisfy her physiologic desires. After all, he was wrong for her in all aspects. But when neurotransmitters overlap with anatomy, it's a recipe for disaster. Or maybe the opposite.
1. Chapter 1 - Patient No 7

There was no excuse for my lack of reason and morals. Never would I thought that I'd be a homewrecker. I didn't like what I was becoming because of Zachary Goode. I was breaking every rule I set for myself, slowly forgetting who I was. It was as if he was poison to my system. Only I didn't die. He was poison that kept me alive.

. . . . .

I held my chin up high and my back straight as I strolled through the hallway of Gallagher Hospital with a stethoscope hung around my neck. My immaculate white coat shone brightly under the lights of the hallway. Suddenly, I was living the dream. I had the coat, the stethoscope and the MD after my name. After countless nights of sleeplessness and mental and emotional torment, I finally got what I'd always wanted ever since I was in Kindergarten.

"Dr. Morgan," Macey called out to me in her scrubs. "They need you at the E.R."

I nodded as I ran to the fire escape stairs. No, I wasn't that vital to the survival of the patients in the emergency room. I hauled my ass to the E.R. because my attending physician needed me. It was as urgent as when someone actually needed urgent medical attention. You could never be paged by an attending and just stroll your way to them. It was always urgent. We needed to drop whatever we were doing and run.

"Great, you're here." Dr. Dabney let out a sigh of relief when she saw me. "I need you to get the clear as many patients as you can. There's been a traffic collision and we'll be swamped in a few minutes. Triage, triage, triage. We'll need all the room we can get."

Getting patients' history was my breakfast, lunch and dinner. I loved listening to my patients narrate their backstory to their illnesses but since I needed all the time I could get, I couldn't keep the conversation going. I was straight to the point, got the basics and made sure I wasn't overdischarging patients.

"I keep on telling her to stop it with the sweets, she won't listen." A mother held her six year-old daughter's hand. The little girl held a huge lollipop in her hand as I listened to her lungs Her wheezing was audible even without a stethoscope.

"Is she currently taking any medications for her asthma?" I asked.

"Just her inhaler." Her mother replied, taking away the lollipop from her daughter. She frowned and held on to it even tighter.

"Her asthma is very poorly controlled. I will refer you to a pediatric pulmonologist but for now, we'll have to admit her." I said, smiling at the girl so she wouldn't feel scared. To my surprise, she didn't care at all.

The mother shook her head in frustration when the daughter started licking on the lollipop again. It looked like she hadn't gone to sleep for days judging from the bags under her eyes. Her hair was greasy and her clothes weren't ironed.

"Should we make her stop eating the candy now?" She asked.

"It's fine ma'am. The small lollipop won't really cause any more problems. If anything, I think it helps her calm down." I smiled. Judging by the difficulty of breathing her daughter was experiencing, I was surprised the little girl was still so calm. "Do you have anyone with you right now?"

She shook her head. "It's just me. I'll have to call my sister."

I bid goodbye to the little girl after her oxygen mask was given. She'd started gasping for air when her mother took away the lollipop. She was put on a wheelchair and sent to the pediatric ward. One patient down.

"Cammie, patient number seven wants you." Bex walked up to me with a blank chart.

It was odd because it was an E.R., not a massage spa where you could request for the one who would service you. Nevertheless, I grabbed the chart without looking and headed for E.R. Ward #7. I heard the sirens from the ambulance just outside the hospital and I felt a smile form in my face.

It was evil of me to be excited about the soon-to-be-swamped E.R. but it had been a long time since I last had that rush. I felt like the threshold of my adrenaline rush kept on going up over time, nothing excited me anymore. I remembered the high of performing my first intubation. The overwhelmingly satisfying feeling of delivering a baby into the world. That exhilarating first cry of a baby and the heartwarming smile of a mother after hearing it. I remembered all my firsts.

I pulled the drapes and there he was. "Hello, Doc."


	2. Author's Note

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hey! Thanks for reading. Please do leave me a feedback so I know what you think! Helps me improve, gives me motivation, and puts a smile on my face :-) Whether bad or good :-)

This story will be a bit different from my usual ones. The narration will be different and I hope it doesn't confuse any of you. It's difficult to change the formatting on FanFiction :-) Also, if you are under 18, I recommend you do not carry on because there will be lots of mature content. Feel free to read my previous work :-)


	3. Chapter 2 - The Runaway

_**FOUR YEARS AGO (2015)**_

It was a chilly night when Macey McHenry and Preston Winter got married. No one amongst our circle would have guessed she'd be the first to walk down the aisle. With a little bump on her belly and a loving man beside her, she couldn't have asked for more. It was a night filled with fun, good music and good food. I was the official photographer for our reception table because I was the only one who was single.

I took an Uber home, walked up my apartment on four-inch heels, splayed myself over my unmade bed. I was nowhere near getting married. I'd spent three years with my head buried in books and cadavers that I forgot what I wanted in life. _I wanted my own knight in shining armor. I wanted to have own family._ While I was overjoyed for Macey and wished her the best of luck, I couldn't help but self-pity. I'd be a doctor in a few years, then what? Spend my thirties swimming in money all by myself because all of my friends had already settled down and my ovaries are already dried up?

When I was in college, I couldn't care less about dating guys. I knew I was going to med school later on so I decided to just build long-lasting friendships. Gallagher College was a women's college after all, there wasn't plenty of chances to meet men. I was successful. I'd managed to go through four years without dating a single guy. Sure, I met a few through my friends and acquaintances, but it was my mindset not to date. When I got accepted to Gallagher School of Medicine, I was ecstatic. This was my time to meet the man of my life. Only when I got there, most of the guys were taken, at least the ones I was attracted to. It was hard to connect with anybody because everyone was busy surviving and doing a good job. First year of med school passed by and I had zero prospects. Then the second year…

A few months had passed and I was nearing summer vacation and my 22nd birthday. I remembered sitting on my bed with a pile of handouts and spine-breaking textbooks exactly a year ago. Nothing had changed for the past two years of my life. Everybody had plans of going abroad travelling, spending summer with their significant others…I had none. So months after Macey's wedding, I was still in a self-pity.

I grabbed my phone from my garter and did the worst thing a self-respecting woman could ever do. _Download Tinder._

I wasn't a complete stranger to online dating. I'd swiped left and right just for fun with friends before. I'd talked to many guys online when I was bored and that was it. I wouldn't even remember their names or attempt to keep in touch. Tinder was horrible. No, to be honest, it wasn't. Hell, Macey and Preston met on Tinder and it led to something beautiful. I was just too arrogant to think it was okay. We lived in the digital age. Online dating was a blessing to those who couldn't meet decent significant others in person.

. . . . .

Before I knew it, I packed my things in a backpack, booked myself a nail appointment and giddily ran down my apartment with freshly waxed eyebrows and bikini area. I booked an Uber to Roseville Bus Station and bought myself a first class ticket to the nearest beach. I couldn't believe myself. For the first time in a long time, I had adrenaline running through my blood vessels. I'd never taken a vacation all by myself. The exciting part was that I didn't tell a soul. If my mother had known, she would never allow me to live on my own again.

My heart seemed to beat so loud and hard, enough for it to come out of my rib cage. It was four hours to reach my destination and I couldn't contain my excitement. Finally, I was doing something different and cool and spontaneous. And this time, I wasn't going to be alone.

When I'd arrived at the beach, it was already ten in the evening. It was still a weekday so there weren't many people outside. I grabbed my phone and sent him a text.

 _I'm here._ I texted, with a laugh spreading across my face. I'd been talking to him for a few weeks now, just for fun. He said he was visiting some family in Virginia and would be nice to meet someone while on vacation. He'd suggested for us to meet before but I'd always say that I only did the online thing and had no intention of meeting in person. I guessed I thought I was being logical and safe.

 _Haha, yeah right._ He replied.

 _I'm here. I'm outside by the parked cars. I'm sitting by the blue bench._ This was it. There was no turning back. He'd already known I really was there. We'd seen each other in pictures and on Skype so I know I wasn't being catfished or anything. But I started palpitating. What the heck was I doing? This was so not me.

And then all of a sudden, I heard him. "Cammie? It's me, Josh."


	4. Chapter 3 - Ghost From The Past

_**PRESENT DAY (2022)**_

"Zach," I looked down on the chart. It said _Zachary Goode._ It had been a very long time since I last heard or saw his name. For the past year, all my strength and effort was put into making sure he never occupied my brain because I knew it was a waste of space. And he didn't pay rent. "What are you doing here?"

"Cut myself." He smiled weakly, holding up his right arm. He held gauze over it.

"What are you doing in Roseville?" I asked.

"I just happen to be here." He replied. No one just happened to be in Roseville, Virginia. It wasn't a popular town.

I nodded, accepting his lie. Once again. I was used to accepting Zach Goode's lies. "Okay," I said, flipping through his chart. His address said: Blackthorne, Ireland. I decided to ignore it and just looked at the pertinent points in his history. "You cut yourself doing what exactly?"

He looked up at me from sitting on the bed. "Cooking."

I remembered him in his apron, cutting onions and garlic while I wrapped my arms around him from behind. He would tell me to be patient and I would tell him I wanted him more than dinner. He'd laugh and prop me up on the counter, giving me a soft lingering kiss.

I shut off the thought. "May I see? When did this happen?"

He held out his arm to me. "Maybe half an hour ago."

I nodded. "This isn't a cut."

"No, it's not. A champagne bottle exploded, glass broke on my arm."

"You're going to need stitches. Just a few." I said.

"Yes, your friend told me." he smiled.

"You know Bex?" I looked at him.

"I knew you worked here and I asked her if she knew you. She said you were on duty tonight." He was looking at me but I didn't dare make any eye contact. I grabbed the alcohol and sanitized my hands.

"How'd you know I worked here?" I asked as I put on the gloves, making sure I wasn't touching the sterile parts.

"Facebook." he said and we briefly made eye contact before I grabbed the surgical tray and proceeded to sanitize his right arm. I remembered these arms. These arms I always had around me. Arms that made me feel safe and secure.

"Didn't know you still had one." I said, rubbing the cotton in outward circular motions.

"I don't. I just looked you up."

I didn't know why I was going this treacherous territory. We didn't need to small talk. It had been a long time since we had things to say to each other. I'd imagined running into him so many times before. I always played it out cool and casual. But now, it seemed like I didn't even remember my rehearsed lines. I forgot about how I'd tell him that I'm so much better off without him, that it was a good thing we parted ways…with just one look, I forgot everything.

"This is just a local anesthetic." I said.

His eyes didn't seem to leave me.

"How are you?" he asked.

I shook my head as I pretended to not hear what he said. Just hearing his voice made my legs go jello. It was hard not to respond. I wanted to tell him about the life I'd made. The things I'd done and accomplished. That I'd made it! But I held back. I opened up the suture kit and assessed his wound. _Simple interrupted suture,_ I told myself.

I grabbed the needle driver and locked the clamp in place.

"Stay still, please." I slowly made the first bite through the skin, twisting my hand so the needle comes up on the other side.

"So, how are you?" He asked again.

"Zach," I said as I wrapped the suture around the needle holder twice. "Do you want me to butcher this?"

"I know you won't, little one." he said and my hand froze.

"Don't call me that." I frowned, quickly tightening my suture.

We didn't say a word until I made all the knots and cut all the excess threads. It took me a year to practice my steady hand, but it took just Zachary Goode to ruin it all. Suddenly, I was struggling once again to keep my calm.

"Thank you." He looked up at me. I smiled and swallowed a lump down my throat. He still looked as handsome as the first time I'd met him. He didn't even look like he'd aged a day when I was pretty sure I'd aged a lot of years since transitioning from medical school to being an actual physician.

"I just need to wrap it and you'll be free to go." I said.

"When do you get off work?" he asked. I wrapped gauze around his arm and secured it in place with a surgical tape.

"I don't know, it's a busy night." I said.

"Yeah, I heard." he looked at his hand. "I hope you're doing well."

"I am, thank you." We locked gaze. And right then and there I wanted him to take me on that hospital bed. But it was just my limbic system. I knew better than follow its every whim.

"I missed you." he whispered as I pulled the curtains open. "Can we talk after your work?"

I shrugged. "I told you, I don't know when that will be. It's not a 9-5 job, Zach."

He nodded. "Okay, Cammie." He got off of the bed and smiled.

"You can proceed to the waiting area, I'll have Dr. Baxter bring your discharge papers in a bit." I said.

"I want you to bring them to me. Not her." I didn't think there was any point in my life that I could resist any of his requests. I felt like every part of me was alive to fulfill his wishes, satisfy his needs. Even if it had been a long time since, it still hadn't changed.

I nodded as I slowly walked away to meet my next patient.

. . . . .


	5. Chapter 4 - That Night

It's funny how such a life-changing event such as this would be forgotten too easily. As time went by, the details became blurry. All I knew was that Josh was holding my hand as we walked to his cottage. I remembered him telling me how I was so much more beautiful than he'd thought. I knew my insides twirled but I tried to hide it from him. My heart pounded against my chest, but when he looked at me, I felt calm.

His room had two single beds, both were on opposite walls. A small bedside table stood between them, cradling the hotel's menu and a fairly old lamp. His luggage sat on the other bed. It seemed like he was the type of person who didn't like the idea of unpacking. I settled in to my bed, put down my heavy backpack as my eyes surveyed the room.

He put on some jazz music and reached for my hand. Before I knew it, we were dancing. In my head, I knew that it was a trick. Maybe not a trick, perhaps just a plot to convince me that this was a romantic evening. It was working. The lack of distance between our bodies made me dizzy. I thought it was because he'd been swaying me back and forth. I'd dipped for at least three times. There was nothing from my Anatomy and Physiology books that explained why I felt intoxicated despite 0% alcohol in my blood. Our bodies touching intoxicated me. I remember sitting down on the bed and he sat beside me.

I ran my hands through his hair, remembered how soft it was. Maybe it was planned. Maybe he deliberately put on a deep conditioner this morning because he knew I would be touching his hair hours later. It still worked nevertheless.

We walked outside on the beach, our feet dipping into the sand. The gritty feeling of the warm sand against my soles as we walked was surprisingly therapeutic. There were no lights on, just the stars and the moon illuminating our paths. It was a moment carved out of a romantic movie. And it was happening to me. My brain couldn't process it. It felt like living in a dream except that it wasn't. I knew it wasn't because I felt his lips on my cheek which instantly sent electric shock signals down my spine. It didn't help that the night breeze was cold and that I was barefoot. His lips were on my jaw, and on my neck…and suddenly, I was even dizzier than I was when we were dancing.

We went back to his room, our hands still in each other's. We said our goodnights and laid on each other's beds. He asked me if it was fine if he took his clothes off because he only wore underwear to bed. I said it was fine but he didn't know that it made my heart beat so fast and my face flush.

It had been seven minutes and I couldn't sleep. For how could I? I'd never seen a man strip down to his underwear before, let alone be in the same bedroom as a guy.

My heartbeat was in sync with the ticking of the clock by the bedside table. It was dark; the light coming from the window was the only thing that allowed me to see the shadows inside the room. Who was I kidding?

"I can't sleep." I said.

"You want to watch something?" he asked, turning on his bed.

I stood up from my bed and walked toward him. He grabbed the laptop from the nightstand and put on Netflix. I didn't remember what movie he chose to play; hell I didn't care. I laid next to him with his arm around me. I started to get familiar with his scent. It was only around ten minutes into the video when I looked at him and for an unexplainable reason, he read my mind. His mouth crashed into mine.

In the moment, I didn't realize that it was my first kiss. I was swimming in the feeling of his lips fervently dancing with mine. I could feel he was hungry…for me. He mindlessly put down the laptop on the floor and got on top of me. This time, I didn't just think he was hungry, I knew. His hardness pressed achingly against my thigh as his lips travelled down to my neck.

Yes, that one night, I had my first dance, first kiss, and first everything else I dare not speak.


	6. Chapter 6 - Stupefied

_**June 2018**_

I didn't quite remember what happened after. I could if I actively tried to, but there was no point. I knew the first few days spending time with Josh were days I would never forget. He'd opened up a brand new world, opened up my eyes to things I didn't even know existed. It was a match made in heaven if only the situation was different.

"I'm just going to be straight up with you. After I leave Roseville, I wouldn't be keeping in touch." Josh said.

I didn't think I saw it coming. After all the time we'd been spending together, I thought things would end differently. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't daydreamt about us being together. And not just together like what we already were, but together, officially. It was true that it was supposed to be just a hook-up or a one night stand. But one night stands were what they were – just for one night. They didn't cuddle for hours, stay up all night talking, spend time together in bed for days…

"Why?" I asked, trying to hide the dismay in my voice. No one could blame me if I wanted to protect my ego by pretending that he didn't just drive a knife into my heart.

"It doesn't make sense to," he said. "I don't live here, and after this we will go back to what it was before."

I began to question myself whether or not I should've seen it coming. I didn't say anything about wanting a serious relationship. It was somehow implied that what we were doing was just a fling. But deep down inside, I felt cheated and betrayed. Maybe, deceived. I knew he was just visiting Roseville and that he had to leave some time but him telling me that he wasn't going to keep in touch crushed me. Worse part was, I had to hide it from him at the moment.

"But why cut all ties? Why not keep in touch?"

He sighed. "Because there's no point in doing so. Long distance doesn't work. I've been there."

"Tell me."

"I came to Roseville to try to patch things up with a girl. We've long been broken up but I took a shot."

Of course there was another girl. There's always another girl. This one I should've seen coming. I'd always catch him checking his phone every now and then, like waiting for someone to call or message, while I wasn't looking. It was a possibility that he wasn't single even though we'd clarified that from the beginning. But my gut feeling told me, he wasn't lying about being single. My gut feeling never betrayed me. Although it had whispered to me that there was someone else, I squashed it down and convinced myself it wasn't true. Again, my gut feeling never lied. She was the only one reliable in this world full of deception.

"Okay." I said, trying to make sense of what was laid out in front of me while hiding my devastation.

"That's all I'm willing to share. It didn't work out with her."

So that was why he spent all this time with me – because there was no one else to be with. My brain's defense mechanism was to ignore it. My brain still hadn't produced antibodies to this kind of disease. So like a plague, it spread.

I wasn't sure how to begin from there. I was fine with the idea of not knowing where things were headed but not when I knew it wasn't going anywhere. Most especially not fine with the idea that I was just a substitute.

I remembered when I thought it was my last time talking to Josh in Roseville. I had to leave because I had a major exam the following day and I'd studied basically nothing for it. He only had a few days in Roseville. We were in his hotel room. I'd just booked a car and he had jazz music on. He wanted us to dance together. I thought it was some lame attempt he was doing out of pity. Somehow, every twist and turn wasn't the same as before anymore. It pained me looking him in the eye knowing that he was just settling with me. It also pained me that I didn't have the courage to tell him off and walk out the minute he made the revelation.

I stood on my toes to reach out for his kiss. It was physically the same kiss – the same kiss he'd been given me all along – firm and hungry – yet I didn't feel the same. All I could feel and taste were his bitter deception, yet I didn't want it to end. I wrapped my arms around him as tight as I could. I just didn't understand why it had to end. I felt good in his arms. I'd grown accustomed to his smell and presence.

Then my phone beeped, telling me my driver was arriving. Why do they arrive so quick in times like this?

"Do you want to walk me down?" I asked.

"No, it's better that our goodbyes are said here."

=.=.=.=.=.=

I just cried that night and skipped my major exam. It was probably the stupidest thing I'd done next to thinking that Josh and I could actually be together. I wasn't myself, I was aware of it but I couldn't help it. I wasn't sure how long it was until I got a message from him asking me if I wanted to see a movie. I was stupid, of course I said yes.

The stupidest thing I'd done by then was agreeing to see a movie with him after crying myself out feeling hopeless. I didn't know why I did it, I guessed I was incredibly foolish. I didn't know how to react with him sitting next to me in the movies. I was really cold and wanted to cling on to him but he wasn't wrapping his arms around me like before. He was sucked in by the movie, as always. It didn't help that it was a thriller movie. It took me several times of keeping myself warm by rubbing my arms to make him offer his body to keep me warm. Not that I was giving him a hint to embrace me, I was just really cold. It didn't feel good either that he just felt forced to offer his arms.

We thought that the movie was really good. We talked about how unique the plot was and whether or not there'd be a sequel. It was fine until he checked the time with his phone and realized he had to go. To be honest, I thought we'd still have dinner together but I was stupid! Who could blame me for thinking such foolish things?

"Hey, thanks for coming out here to see the movie with me." He said.

I just didn't understand why he couldn't just watch the movie with this other girl when clearly he was rushing out of the theaters, leaving me, to see her.

"Yeah, sure." I said, swallowing a lump down my throat – still processing, once again – whatever the fuck was happening. Why did I even agree coming here?

I didn't feel like I wasn't stupid enough so I let him borrow my umbrella because it was raining and he'd said he had to go immediately.

=.=.=.=.=.=

Hey everyone. I'd really appreciate it if you leave your thoughts about this story in the Review section. Lets me know how to proceed with the story. Thanks!


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